The End of the World (warning..generalized opinions may offend someone. Im not sorry)

On the church of Scientology down the street from my apartment, there’s this banner that says “give yourself the knowledge of YOU”. ┬áReading it, it kinda scared me for a second because with all the selfies and “this is so me” memes.. I realized we are a generation of Tom Cruises. I officially banned myself from taking any sort of “selfies” two years ago and never looked back. But this isn’t about me.

Everyone is so focused on knowing themselves.. Even rappers only talk about themselves in songs anymore.┬áI can’t even listen to the rap station in my city anymore. I’m so tired of hearing about “bitches” and how many cars a guy has or how much a guy makes and I’m like “what about me? I can speak in a full sentence and not make up words sounding like gibberish and I don’t have “bitches and bentleys”!
Didn’t rappers use to rap about social injustice or inequality or issues??? I swear they did. I need people like that to come back. Common, Mos Def…they rapped about real things. Kendrick kiiiinda does. If you read between some of his lines. But big Sean and Tyga and lil Wayne need to fall off the planet. And Drake. He can go too. There’s that mission to Mars… Instead of moms leaving their kids, just send “Young Money”.

Speaking of the entire concept of money…while we do have to accept it.. It’s bullshit. With the right ink and paper and government clearance, you can PRINT bills. We are trillions of dollars in debt and people are starving and kids are sold into sex trafficking rings because of a piece of PAPER assigned a number value. It almost makes me not want to have kids at all.

I’m currently stuck in baby fever and arguing with myself about it. Like do I really want to subject my progeny to the horrors of this self obsessed society… To watch them be shaped into selfish people I can’t bear to watch, but must love anyway because I TRIED to teach them the right ways to do things? I just don’t know. And it really is a delusional thought that you yourself as a parent can entirely SHAPE another human being into being better than the general population. There are too many outside variables. Unless you do the whole homeschool, hermit thing which presents a whole other set of issues. Then you run the risk of your kids become serial killers or cult leaders. No thanks.

But then if you don’t TRY to help further society with your kids who hopefully will turn out intelligent and enlightened like yourself, aren’t you being selfish? Then it comes full circle back to yourself not being a productive member of society. You’re just selfish like everyone else. Just another Tom Cruise.

Society will implode. Elephants or cats will evolve and rule in our place, I swear.

<end rant>

Beginning.

A link to my first ever attempt at writing a book. I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Sometimes my imagination runs wild, and I write it down…and then it suddenly ends and I have to wait til I feel inspired again. Apparently my muse is only part-time. She or he has their own life to live and when they have time for me, I will write some more.

wedding bells

I’ve been on Pinterest…Pinning my life away about a wedding that isn’t even in the proposal stage yet. Of course I, who ordered/told my high school sweetheart in 9th grade that he’d be taking me to both junior and senior prom, am pretty SURE it’s going to happen. Prom happened. So why not? I’m sure my current/not high school sweetheart will be proposing at some time in the next 365 days.

So, I’ve been planning it. I didn’t do the whole plan-my-wedding-since-I-was-5 thing. I wasn’t that girly and romantic, and I’m still not. I’m practical. What I really want is a Justice of the Peace ceremony and then a themed party, but his parents would be upset. So now we get on the subject of expectations.

I have two options for walking me down the aisle: my grandfather/adopted father who really doesn’t like me much but would be insulted if I didn’t at least ASK him because he can be a sentimental fool when he wants to put on a show. He lives 800 miles away and probably couldn’t afford to come to the wedding anyway, so here’s hoping.

My stepfather, who is very unemotional and uncomfortable with emotion at all, but who has helped me out with picking out a car, with routine maintenance on my cars, and helped me move multiple times to different apartments. He’s like the silent, gruff version of a doting father. He’d be my first choice, but my grandpa raised me.

Expectations are frustrating. Torn between hurting people, it becomes really difficult and part of the reason I wanted a JP wedding. There’s also the question of my Maid of Honor. My childhood best friend would be SO upset if she wasn’t maid of honor, but she is married with a kid and really doesn’t have the TIME for all the duties of MoH from 800 miles away. My obvious choice would be the girl here in Nashville that has been my best friend since freshman year of college. We even work together now. It just makes sense.

So to conclude…My practical side and my mediator, keep-the-peace-coward side are at war. I am unable to decide, so I’m going to keep pinning wedding ideas (Halloween, btw) and thank my lucky stars he hasn’t even proposed yet.