It’s been a while since I’ve written, but I haven’t had much to say. I have been operating under the ostrich method. I think about the things I want, and then I look at the obstacles and redirect my brain VERY quickly. Burying one’s head in the sand, aka keeping my nose to the every day grind and routine allows me to feel equally okay and useless at the same time. I don’t think I’m having an existential crisis, necessarily, but feeling very tiny and unimportant in the world is definitely the case. Why couldn’t I do something MEANINGFUL with my life?
Today, someone was telling us about a girl who traveled to India for the purpose of educating the people on autism and how they can help their children instead of hiding them away in shame. I looked at my friends and asked, “Why wasn’t I smarter back when I was planning out college and career? Why was the scope of my imagination limited to a verterinary degree I knew I wouldn’t pursue the minute I job-shadowed a vet for my senior project. I got woozy watching him perform a routine spay for fuck’s sake. Now, the only things I’m good at are giving very good relationship/dating/sex advice, data analysis stuff, and knowing a ton about animal behavior and plants. It’s too late to go back to school. I already have tons of student loan debt killing my credit score!”
I think, though, maybe a MEANINGFUL life isn’t defined by what other people have done with their lives. We like to compare and contrast, thanks to social media and the access to knowledge of random strangers’ lives that you never would have known if not for a click of a button. Could it be, to live a meaningful life, all you have to do is make a positive impact on someone else’s life? Possibly? Or am I telling myself that so I can keep going strong with my head in the sand?