I Am Not In A Relationship With My Best Friend

I need there to be an online dating site for newly coupled people who only have single friends that would never date the other’s friends. That would be nice. Do you know how hard it is to get your caveman boyfriend to hang out with your high maintenance single girl friends? He’s like…”I’m good..right here on the couch”. And then for his friends, your girls don’t want to go to the dive bar with ugly men, so you go alone. And it’s you, a woman, with one attractive guy and 4 unattractive men. No offense to my man, but he def doesn’t choose his friends for the scenery…which makes sense, but, it doesn’t help me get my friends to want to mingle because apparently they can only go places with attractive people?


So anyway, the dating site to find couples to hang out with. Yes. I feel like we need to attract friends that are couples. We gotta woo a couple, or some shit. Meet them at a bar, show them how many shots we can do, show them we’re fun, not too lovey, and come away with a lifetime of grilling, drinking, cabrewing buddies. Because it’s really not fun just sitting at the house with your man watching x-files. Alone. It’s just you two and you run out of shit to talk about. We aren’t the types to be like “I’m with my best friend; let’s only do shit together”. We aren’t best friends. We are two separate people who love each other and like to share experiences together and have discussions and do fun things. Our best friends are the friends we had BEFORE we got together, because that’s normal. Or should be. Unless you’re codependent and worry the other won’t love you if you go out without them. Or you’re just so scared what they’ll do when you leave them alone.


Seriously, girls gotta stop being afraid of that. I have totally had those thoughts flash through my mind as I’m leaving the house. “What if he invites a girl over while I’m gone? What if he’s not wanting to go because he’s trying to hook up with someone?” Still, to this day, I have these thoughts. And then I push them out of my head and drink and dance stupidly with my girls. And when I get home, stumbling up the stairs drunkenly, crawling into bed with him, I don’t even remember those thoughts. I just want sleep. Then, I wake up to see my rainbow bunch of bras hanging on the doorknob. Nuff said. Not even worried.


But I digress. Someone develop that website. We need a couple to be friends with that like to go camping on weekends, dogs, canoeing, drinking, grilling, card games, etc. We can’t spend this much time together, alone, it’s not healthy for us.  


All Dogs Go To Heaven

Having delayed reaction -sobbing my heart out over a dog I had gotten as a puppy in 2007 with an ex passing away this weekend at bedtime is horrible. He had been with my stepdad’s best friend living the country life happily running around and rolling in gross things and riding in the back of the truck. My mom told me about his death at 1pm today. Heart worms. Preventable. Can’t even express my anger at that.

It took til midnight for me to look at our dog and worry because she didn’t eat her dog food today and telling my boyfriend she has to go to the vet to cause an onslaught of ugly, red faced, hyperventilating sobs for the better part of an hour while he held me and reassured me that he will take her to the vet ASAP to make sure. I am such an ugly crier.

I knew I’d been feeling a little off all day since she called me.. But I never have been able to cry til I’m good and ready. And then it’s this ugly, headache inducing event. Now that my eyes are burning and swollen, I shall try to sleep.

RIP Moose, I hope there are plenty of lacy underwear to chew and cats to chase up there. Your goofy underbite and lopsided head tilts will be missed so much.


Definition of Happiness is Subjective

Saving money for a down payment on a house…and then I’m daydreaming like “fuck a house, how about a European vacation!” Goals are hard. I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to do according to society, but sometimes I get to wondering what it would be like to just say fuck that and be a gypsy. Why do I have to have a secure safe life in order for people to approve of my existence in this world? I’m just saying, society kind of sucks. One collective thought on how everyone else should live just pushing at you and pushing at you. Why is someone not allowed to choose their own happiness? As long as they aren’t placing anyone else in danger, why can’t society be happy for someone who has achieved their own definition of happiness? Just recognize it, say good for them, and let it go. Instead of always saying “they should be…”

THEY shouldn’t be ANYTHING…you should be doing something else, because obviously your ass is so unhappy with your life that you need to look at someone else’s. I mean, sure, they probably shouldn’t be doing heroin, or meth, or crack…but otherwise, let them be. Maybe if THEY said they were miserable, offer advice, but if they didn’t, just wish them well.

 “Good will toward men”.

Ever heard of it?

I’ll admit, I’ve been judgmental at times. I’ve totally been the person to say “they should…”, but lately I’m just seeing that I can say that all day and it won’t matter. It is honestly futile to press your views on someone who will do what they want anyway. Even if they ask, they aren’t asking for real advice, they’re hoping you’re going to say something that they want to hear. They want validation of their reasoning for what they are about to do that they know might not be the best course of action. I no longer give advice for this reason.  I don’t practice futility. I think they most common thing out of my mouth now is “I’m going to hold my opinion and you do you, honey, because you aren’t going to listen to me anyway.”


Just be happy. However you achieve happiness, just attain it, and hold on to it. I’m not saying don’t be secure and safe..because even with my daydreaming, I would rather be financially secure and playing it safe. Some don’t need that though. And there is nothing wrong with making money and turning around and spending every penny on whatever you want. You can’t take it with you when you die.