Summer Heat Makes People Crazy

Arguing with S because she met this new guy less than 30 days ago and cancelled Memorial Day event plans we made at the beginning of May. If it was just a girls’ night, I wouldn’t care, but she cancelled on us for a whole day event after she invited him and he said he wouldn’t be able to make it. What does him not being able to make it have to do with her not coming when she made the plans with us to begin with? Then I don’t even find out from her, I find out from two other people. Then she has the nerve to act like she’s justified by saying nobody is going on the camping trip to see her anyway so why does it matter. She’s been so flaky lately. It’s like she got back from Italy and is too good to hang out with us, she’s always with people who have connections etc. I’m just over here like “Who bought you the pregnancy tests in 2011 and who went with you to the abortion clinic and whose fucking couch were you sitting on when you took that abortion pill and sat there in pain for an hour with you in silence, because you couldn’t be home when you did it because if your parents would have found out you got pregnant with that person’s child they’d have disowned you? Yes. That was me. And you’ve been blowing me off for almost a year and now for a guy you met on TINDER that you’ve only known for 30 days. Please explain that shit to me. But she’s all like “Well Im sorry.” So now we are not communicating at all. Then I had one of my usual arguments with N, who I knew before she worked in this building. She is trying so hard to get in good with the “cool kids” on her team that as soon as someone says to come join them, she wants us to go ahead and stop what we are doing and go. I’m not friends with these people, they are fake as fuck. When she started, she disliked them. They also walked past her like she was insignificant. Let’s not forget that. And she’s so damn sensitive and takes anything you say as an attack against her and attacks back so you’re fighting for no fucking reason. I’m just like get the fuck over yourself. Maybe I’M the one being immature about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be as angry as I am. Maybe we grew apart. Maybe we are too different now.

And then there’s the fact that I feel like I’m aimless. Wandering and lost. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t have a direction anymore. I work for a great company, a fun one, doing very tedious work, but I got this job with luck. I’m keeping it with skill and hard work because I have great benefits, hours and maybe I don’t make as much money as I would like to afford the things I like, I make enough to cover the bills. My boyfriend is having a rough time getting out of the extremely physical, shitty split shift job he’s been at for most of his adult life. I want to help him, but I don’t want to insult his pride. I tried to refer him to a job here but they are only hiring for one position and it requires a bachelor’s degree and I thought he had one, but he never finished. Kind of astonished me…this whole time I thought he had everything together. It was almost unreal how perfect I thought he was. He’s not, but I still love him. But I feel like he feels ashamed because I would have never found out if he didn’t apply here. I wish he could get my position, but we are on a hiring freeze. For all the incompetent idiots they hire, I have no idea why the fuck someone with as awesome a resume as he has, minus the bachelor’s wouldn’t be hired on the spot. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. And I feel bad because he didn’t get the other job. Like I should have magically made it happen. At the same time I don’t know why he’s not applying everywhere. Maybe he is. I don’t know because he doesn’t talk about it. And I don’t ask because it would make him uncomfortable. And our roommate moved out, which is sad because even though it was aggravating when it felt like I was dating both of them, I still miss the guy. And he was like a buffer I guess….we wouldn’t fight in front of him and he would always keep the conversation flowing. I feel like there’s no flow anymore. My bf wants to find another roommate but with 1 bathroom it was already inconvenient, and I dont see why it cant be just us other than I’m afraid he doesn’t like just being with me. he says “it’s nice to have someone to go out to the bar with or go get drinks with” What am I? Chopped liver? You can go get drinks with a guy who DOESN’T co-habitate with us last time I checked, but then again, with everyone being unreliable and flaky lately, maybe you can only rely on people you live with. Or maybe he’s experiencing the same flaky guy friend situation as I am with the girl friends I have.

Completely frustrated. I’m sure in a week, I won’t even remember feeling like this.

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