If you ever want to wake up with the most profound sense of disappointment, have a sex dream where you fake an orgasm. In my dream I’m stranded in an airport. Missed my flight and I’m upset but I get directed to sleeping quarters. There’s a big bed, a couple smaller couches, and a former roommate of mine is there. There are some other people but their faces are blurry.

Then I notice a blurry faced hot guy. Nice arms, nice abs. In the next scene I’m in his lap, and I’m wearing a very short tunic dress and my legs are tanner than they are in real life and my thighs are smaller, but I know those are my legs. Dreams are weird. Anyway, then, he starts doing things and I know I should be feeling something, but nothing happens. I move around just thinking he’s getting it wrong but no. Nothing. So I fake it. Even my real self who knows I’m dreaming is disappointed by this. I wake up to my alarm and think, is this the day you’re giving me, universe? This is what sets the tone? A fake orgasm? Thaaaaaaanks

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