You can tell a lot about a guy from the first phone call. I have compiled a list of ways to tell if the guy you are talking to is a complete asshole from my own past experiences and from friends’ experiences:
1. “So, [Name]..” “what do you think of this, [name]” “Well, [name]..” dude, I know my damn name, why the hell are you repeating it? Do you really need to do that to remember it? Do you think I need to know you know my name? Shut the fuck up with that shit, you sound like a condescending prick. Seriously!
2. If at any time the words “it takes a lot to keep me interested/I get bored easily/I dont know if you’re up to the challenge of impressing me” come out of his mouth. Hang up. Don’t even say goodbye. Hit end…better yet make sure you’re talking on a phone that can slam when hung up. (I know, archaic, but so satisfying).
3. Talks about his other dates too much, or complains about them (even worse, see above). If every story he tells is about a girl…hang up. If a guy doesn’t have guy friends, this is a HUGE red flag. One story is ok but 10 is just too many. manwhore…herpes…crazy baby mamas…all of this should come to mind.
4. Cannot stop talking. The verbal diarrhea coming out of his mouth is just astonishing in volume…If you can’t get a word in edgewise, this is a guy who really doesn’t care what you think, how you feel, how your day was….this guy thinks that he’s the only one who had a day that day and by God you will listen to him ramble on about it until he’s done. Lay the phone down on the counter and go do something else. Let him ramble since he so clearly loves the sound of his voice. He can listen to his voice and you can do something productive, as in ANYTHING else. He will be really confused when he realizes 30 minutes later that you aren’t saying anything and looks at his phone and the call is still connected. Check periodically to see when he hangs up, then promptly delete his number.
5. Doesn’t talk at all. Awkward pauses. Vague hmm’s. “I’m just letting you talk. This is how I get to know someone.” This guy requires you to entertain him. You have to be interesting. No…obviously you two have nothing to say to each other so let’s not waste minutes. End call. Dial a more interesting person’s number immediately.
6. “Do you have any questions for me?” “What else do you want to know about me?” This guy just wants an excuse to talk about himself. Delete. Narcissism is never cute. He will never care about your likes/dislikes. He will only ever be in a relationship with himself, and his mom, who apparently told him every day that he was amazing and talented and no girl will ever be good enough. Take your Oedipus Complex and shove it, dude.
7. The guy who only calls you at random times and has to get off the phone in the middle of a sentence suddenly. Or only calls you once and then says “I would rather email or text from now on”. Or says only text him at certain times. This guy is married or has a live-in girlfriend. Unless you like home-wrecking, dropkick that one to the curb.
8. Mentions anything sexual. Any guy who comes out with “so what’s your favorite position?” in the first phone call is after one thing. Seriously? I dont even know your last name or that you’re not a 50 year old creeper, and you’re asking me my favorite sex position so you can think about it and jack off to my POF profile? Hell no. Delete and BLOCK.
9. The guy who says “Here’s my number, call me sometime” before the initial phone call. Um, seriously dude? Does that ever work for you with a normal girl who doesn’t have a desperate need for attention due to her daddy issues? Hell no, you ask ME for my number and YOU call me. That is how it’s been done since the dawn of time. What rock have you been under????
10. Any guy who says “I dont pay for dinner on a first date because I dont even know the girl! How can she expect that? That just means she’s a gold digger.” No, that just means you’re a cheap ass who probably still lives at his mom’s house. Fuck you. End call. Delete. You’re probably still a virgin with that attitude. No man gets laid without paying for dinner, or at least no man should, in my book.
I think 10 is plenty to get someone started 🙂 and remember, if he seems too good to be true, you can bet your ass he is. RUN.