I’m going to stop whining. I swear. I’ve just been feeling sorry for myself lately.
I hate the fact that i can’t find a job with my shiny new/old paralegal degree. I feel like a failure that I’m 26 and only making 32k at an entry level data entry job. I feel like a failure that I don’t have a bachelor’s degree. I feel like a failure that I can’t be so awesome that my bf took forever to want to be with me (a year. and I had to LEAVE HIM for him to realize I was gf material) and that I cant be certain I’m so awesome that he will stay. So I’ve been self-sabotaging, and driven him to warn me to stop being insecure or he’s not going to trust me and going to “lock down.”
I feel like a failure that I can’t initiate sex because I’m not confident that he finds me sexy. He won’t tell me I’m pretty. He doesn’t comment on my assets the way EVERY OTHER GUY has or make it clear he’d want me whenever. He only seems to want to get frisky once or twice a week if I leave it up to him. But it’s not his fault, I guess. He’s just “not the hand-holding type” he says. He’s hard to read. I’m used to everything being transparent. He’s secretive.
I feel like a failure that I cant run my 5K route continuously yet. I’ve only been training for 2 months, so it’s stupid I’m beating myself up over that.
I feel like I’m my worst critic. I should go easier on myself. I should be nicer to me. We all need to be nicer to ourselves, honestly. How do I do that?