I hear this melody and I can see a snow globe in my head. It’s blurry. I think there’s a snow man in it, but all I can see are sparkly rainbow prism pieces floating down and hear the music slowing down. I feel my childhood self smiling and remembering Christmas and snow when I still associated it with joy. That was before.

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There was heat, the smell of stale cigarettes, and a musty smell, like any other basement would have. Grey concrete has a smell as well, and the sickly sweet smell of dr pepper mixed with sex. Any one of these smells can trigger scenes, like a movie, running through my head. The smell of the wood furnace burning, scorching heat radiating out, like the heat in my blood when I closed my eyes and pictured something else. The pleasure, the pain and the shame all rolled into one..like a melody all its own. Brahm’s melody fades as the sounds of crackling fire and heavy breathing take center stage. I block it out and snap back to the present.

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